Sunday, May 17, 2009

Why Dance?

I've been questioned this last week by a few as to why I obey some of the rules laid down by my husband that are without reason, simply done to be mean, out of anger. In fact it has set off a debate back and forth by some who I know, a fairly quiet one since they are sensitive to me, but still a debate.

Let me share my thoughts today. There are some rules I obey that I know are "wrong", as in wrongly imposed, a violation of authority. But, I obey them, not out of submission to anger or cruelty, but out of my own integrity. I can chose to submit myself by choice to this not because of who he is, but because of who I am. Then I am not defeated, but standing intact. Still dancing in the storm.

Why do I still dance? Because I have realized a few things as I have gone round and round this cycle over the years. Yes, this time is a rougher time with these unfair rules, but truth is still truth. He may make rules, but he can not stop love nor prayer. His hate will not cause others to hate me. His devaluing me will not cause others to see me less. His rules will not stop people from praying for me. So, even under these rules, I still dance. He can not bind my spirit.

I used to think he could. I used to think that how he saw me, all people would see me. I don't any more.

He forbid me to work at school; yet on Friday, he was shocked when I phoned him from home. "You're not at school?!"

No. I am obeying.

I will obey, but he will not win my heart by brute force. He may enforce a "perfect life" for himself, but he will not force my heart. I was built for and respond to gentleness. Yet what enables me to dance in the storm is knowing I am loved. God loves me with perfect gentleness, unrestrained delight, and a deep tenderness. He values me, not because I in myself am valuable, but because He set His value on me. In a value given to me, not earned, I lift my head and smile. I am loved. I am a daughter of the King. He can not take that away from me.

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