Friday, October 31, 2008

Do Bad Things Come in Threes?

I hope so.

Because this is the third blow in a row, and then it should be over, right?

A letter in my mailbox this morning - one of our friends from our married Bible study when we were first married - killed in the war.

His face swims in my head, laughing, tossing his little girl up in the air. His wife saying she was so blessed with him. If she didn't cook, he actually loved to eat cereal for supper, and would happily pour two bowls of cereal without a fuss. He was a gentle man, kind and strong.

Four kids now without a daddy.

It hurts.

How are things here?
On the good side, we've had a few good visits with my husband. I know he'd like to just stay, but it is still a relief to me when he goes. It is some safety. When he is here, it is ok, but if he gets angry, it doesn't have to stay here. I don't have to invite him over. I don't think he will normally be over this much, but we just had two events back to back at the school, and he needed to be there to see his kids.

I just wish there was a roadmap, a way to do this marked out. I don't know what I should be doing. When he is nice, he is very nice; but the littlest things can make him angry for weeks. So when do I trust him?

I've said to myself that trust will not come until I have seen a real understanding of how anger hurts us and sorrow over that. Expressions of love, time with the kids, gifts - all these are not what I am looking for, although they are nice and can be enjoyed, but I want to see a repentance.

I'm willing to forgive and to work on things, but forgiveness, although waiting, can only be given when it is asked for in this case, I think.

Pray for wisdom and guidance for me. Pray for peace this next week while he is here, and for a good two weeks while he is gone - for real working during that time.


Alan & Beth McManus said...

I'm so sorry.

Still praying.

Becky Aguirre said...

It sounds like you guys are getting it from all sides and I know the enemy would like nothing more than to destroy and devastate with these things...keep looking to Jesus!