I'm back from the meeting. It didn't go well. It also didn't go as badly as it could have gone.
Two things to be thankful for. I held my composure and managed to be calm and gentle despite all accusations and insults. And my husband, thankfully, proved why he should not have access to the kids at this point. I went in ready to fight for that point, but I did not have to.
I only stated that I wanted the kids not in a place where they are witnessing or in the middle of words between parents or about parents.
My husband clearly showed that he could not be trusted to keep his tongue or control his anger. So, as of now, there is no discussion of him having the kids.
Now, today, this evening, I have to tell my kids. They are with friends, but because of one glitch in the plans, a friend of theirs from school who is too young to not talk knows their daddy is home, so I need to tell my kids.
Pray for wisdom. I am suspecting both reactions at the same time - grief and fear, and relief and safety. I went through both, and I expect they may also.
Time to buckle four little innocent kids into the roller-coaster ride. At least I have been on it myself, and will ride with them. But it hurts me. I can't bring myself to get up and walk out the door to go get them. I think of their happy laughter playing with friends at their "sleep-over" homes, and I dread crashing their party. I wish I could freeze time for a few days and let them play.