Wow - that got a lot of response! Thanks for weighing in on the issue. All of you have good things to say, and I am thinking them over. The good thing is that as much as the pastor wants to do this now, he can't push me. I have the address list, and he doesn't.... nyah, nyah, nyah! (Sorry, can't resist - I dislike feeling pushed and forced into things, and just realized that he can't push more than I want to give.)
My husband came over for dinner. First we went to see the new office. All I can say is I think God knows what He is doing. He put us somewhere which makes me smile - smack in the middle of another Christian thing where we have more exposure to godly men and women, and potential of people who can be interested in what we are doing, and we are desperate for help in two areas... so smiling and watching. Sometimes I sit on the sidelines with God as He lines things up and smile as I see Him move.
So dinner - it was good. We were all too tired to talk much, and my two older sons chattered on and on about a biking adventure one had had today. Thank God, too, that He had already arranged that my older son would go biking with his four best buddies all day in a ravine. Nothing like a good sunny day, time with friends, and hard exercise to help him deal with emotions. But... pray! I think we will have to go out fund-raising again - this child ate three peices of lasanga, three pieces of garlic bread, a full salad, a piece of peach pie, and then ten minutes later snuck up to devour another piece of garlic bread on the sly!
So, mostly we sat around. The little ones read to Daddy, and then we all just curled up on the couch. It was a good evening, and hard to let him go.
After the frustrations with some of the other men I am dealing with (not saying who...), I am tempted to say "forget them, I'll keep the trouble I am used to!" :-) No, can't do that. I know he is nice now and happy, but I need to see the anger dealt with.
NEWS FLASH - Sleeping Men Rise and Begin to Make Good Decisions
Yes, it's true. Shocked me today, but true. Our team leader saw the letter, answered my skype to take a look at it, and rewrote it much more positively than I could have. (Easier for others to insist that you get complimented than for you to yourself!)
Then our field leader who has been heretofore silent, wrote in and suggested that the issue of funds ought to be addressed and requested that people continue to support us.
Yay! Let's all pause for a moment of silent thanks for sleeping men who woke.....
Ah. Much easier for them to "fix" the letter. Hmm.... nothing to do with prayers of a half dozen women scattered around the world, is it?
Now, I will take all the suggested edits, and combine them into one. Writing and editing is what I do now - but I am not professional at it, so do not judge my writings based on that statement. It is only that I am one of the few on our team who speak English as my mother tongue, except our team leader.... but he is one of those who are exceptionally brilliant in some areas, but in others.... well... it is just best if he works with an editor!
Oh, and then my husband wrote a letter to the team about the move thanking them for their effort and saying that he appreciates their support during this time, we are working on issues, and we hope to be back with them soon. Wow! This was a man who a few days ago told me he could never face the team again and I had ruined his entire chances with them since in his culture there is no forgiveness possible. I only told him as gently and firmly as I could that forgiveness is not an American concept, but a Christian one, and if we are believers first, and culture second, and even the team here can learn this. Give them the chance.
So, good and bad. Bad follows good as unsympathetically as a cold winter storm blowing in from the west. Good follows bad as determindly as the crocuses push up the snow in early spring. And in the middle of all these cycles, I sit - trying hard to trust a God I believe in, but One who I am begging to make life easy for me just this once, please, please. I don't like pain! I'm ready to cry uncle. (why do we cry uncle? Is this because it was those gangly uncles who liked to tease small kids until they cried?)
But today ends with a higher note than it began with, although with the sadness of saying good bye again to my husband as he leaves for two weeks. Pray with me that here, in this time, God speaks to him.
And pray as I have a meeting with our here pastor again tomorrow.
NEWS FLASH #2 - Things Sink Into Hard Head
Oh, I did say something sunk in from my Beth Moore study on Wednesday. Two things. The first was talking about people being unable to give us what we need at times. Sometimes we so desperatly seek something from people - approval, love, etc - and they don't give it. There are varying reasons for that, whether lack of ability, the love of control over us, sheer ignorance. Beth said, "get your approval and love from God. Get what you need from God, and He will fill you up. Then you are able to give." This is something I need to hear right now. I want my husband to love and appreciate me. He doesn't. He might slightly for a time, and then he is angry and doesn't. I want to be respected and cared for without false accusations by people in leadership, and it just isn't happening. But God. He is there and He gives.
Do you want to hear what I put at the end of my letter to my pastor about the tone of his letter? I said, "But, I serve a God who delights in me and rejoices over me with singing, and even when He corrects me, He doesn't change that poured out love in me, rejoicing in me. I think we could at least manage to squeak in a smile in the letter."
See, my life has been changed by one person who decided that he and his wife would love me, and they did. No matter what, no matter what I did or didn't do, they loved me. They constantly saw the good in my life and told me about it. They smiled when they talked to me, and when they had to correct me, they did it with gentle teasing or with tears and love. They loved me. And they changed my life because of it.
The other thing that sunk in from the Beth Moore study was what she said at the end about God gets it. (Ya'll that are a week behind, will have to wait, and I'll try not to spoil it for you.) God gets it. He knows what this pain has meant to me. My husband may never quite get it. He might not. I'd like him to realize that it hurt me, but he may not quite get it how much. But God does, and I may need to let go and forgive. I've been through this process in other things in my life, written about them, and now it may be time for the same sort of forgiveness here.
I don't want to post here on my blog, but those of you who I know through your blogs, if you want, write me, and I will send you a link to the rest of my story, to an article I wrote about two years ago about some of the healing I myself have been through. It will explain more if you haven't had enough reading already. :-0
NEWS FLASH #3 - Silent Husband Carries on Real Conversation
In between writing this post, my husband phoned from the airport, and we had a really good open talk just now. It was good. He wants to go visit this couple who mean so much to me, and was worried that people will think he is running. I encouraged him to do so. I will stand up for him for it. God uses these people. They have already been praying for us every day in detail for four years now, and they are people who have insight and wisdom. Hey, I'll fly over for a visit, too!