Well, lunch came and went. He was upset at my dad still, and wants me to support him for what he said to my dad. I said I support his position, but not what he did about it or the words used to deal with it. I am not going to support mean words. I just don't.
So he was angry to start off with. Then he wanted toknow if he can move back home, when I will let him. Can he come back after the two weeks gone for this program?
I don't know. How can I tell now? I said that we should meet after he is back and discuss that, and see. He was not thrileed with that answer, though. He says that I have ruined his life and there is no way he will be able to be in ministry again since the shame will be too high - how can he face his co-workers again?
I think the whole point of this is to get to a place where it is not all about him - his right to be angry, his right to use nasty words, his right to demand and make people feel guilty, his right not to be shamed, but always honored, despite the rightness or wrongness. But that is me thinking, not him. He has determined that life is over for him now, and it is all my fault.
I feel bad now. I don't think this was what he wanted to talk about yesterday, but he got ticked off when I wouldn't stand behind him with what he said to my dad. He knows that I did write my dad and tell him that I think the action was wrong, but I did it nicely. I can't support him being nasty, just like I won't support anyone else being nasty. But, now, I am likely to lose both, family, husband, and it looks like now, the whole team is falling apart, and I feel responsible today for the total destruction of an important thing because I couldn't deal with being quiet.
I know that is not true, but I feel horrible right now. I was hoping that things would be good news today. But, of course, something ticked him off on the ay to good things..... proof enough that there is little change yet.
Disappointing.... still have to get through a dinner with him and friends tonight. I'd rather curl up and cry again.
But first - to go meet with the pastor.... who will be upset that I told his wife not to criticise me right now....
If I did not have kids.....
If I did not have kids, I'd sign on to be a nurse on a fishing trawler and disappear into the North Sea for two years.... well, if it wasn't so cold!