Friday, November 14, 2008
Learning to Talk
My husband phoned again tonight. We talked for three hours. We disagreed on something. I want something and he wants something else. I have one opinion about a choice and he has another. I don't like his opinion. I really think mine is better. He really likes his opinion. So we talked.
It took three hours of carefully discussing issues around this and issues it brought up. It was hard work. In the end, I did not get the choice I wanted. But that is ok, too. I did get to explain my opinion and get heard. I also got to express my emotions on the issue and on the having to accept a choice that was not my first choice, and I felt he listened to those emotions. He was able to understand that my emotions of sadness or disappointment are my emotions coming from not getting what I wanted, even if I am choosing to take his choice. They are just emotions, normal disappointment, and not an attack on him or a means of manipulating him. He can accept them and comfort them and still stay firm on his decision.
It was hard work. I'm tired now. But it was a good talk. We're working on it. We did not reach a final decision on details, but we did reach a decision on how the decision will be made.
Progress.... it's slow and hard work, but it is definitely happening.