This deserves a longer post with some explanations, but I don't know if it is simply the relief of good things beginning, and hope growing, or if I am catching some flu, but I am worn out! Can't manage to put my thoughts together well and just want to sleep by the fire right now. (Sorry to all of you suffering with the heat or with cold in places without good heating.... I have a gorgeous fall, some snow fell already but melted again, and a gas fireplace to flick on and off... ok, I know, really suffering here...! Hey, I'd gladly share my fireplace with any of you - there is another chair and room for two sets of toes to warm up in front of it!)
My husband has been phoning once or twice a day now, needing to talk, always to apologize for something more, to try to communicate what he is learning, to just talk. I see changes happening - things I have prayed long and hard for. As someone said, "I knew this program would be good for him - I wanted him to go two years ago!" So did I, but there is people's wills and God's timing, too. Two years ago he might not have been desperate enough to change. Two years ago, I might not have been as ready as I am now to accept change and forgive without resentment.
But there is change happening. Real change. And that is good. We are beginning to think ahead to a week and a half from now - what then? Do we go off for some time alone? Do we go somewhere? What then? He would like to have time alone with me, which I also think is a good thing. I wonder if we should be alone, yet nearby to someone who can meet with us throughout that time and help us if we have problems and guide us some in putting things back together. I don't know. We will likely only take a few days, and then get back to the kids. I have no idea about the next step. God does. I am trying to remind Him that there is a week and a half, so You had better be prepared - without being too controlling. :) Trying to relax and let God lead, but.... I like knowing things....
Thankfully, for all of you who have asked, we are in a good place. I would love to tell you all who I am and where I am, and one day, I might, but I might do it not in a public blog, but in letters. I don't want to shame my husband in front of people who do not care and won't see the whole picture. We are in a safe place now, my kids in a Christian school where the teachers are aware and very supportive. I volunteer in the school since my years of homeschooling have equipped me to help "round up stragglers". So I have good friends and support both in my church and in the school. I have my parents who just moved to where we are to work with our mission from here... (ok, now I know I have everybody envious... not everyone gets grandparents right with them...). Yet even without my parents here, we had good friends who are there for me and who I can call on to take the kids, come fix things, etc - from the school usually. They are a gift to me.
So, yes, I am surrounded and supported, although my main support people who have been with me through so much are not even on this continent - thank God for technology! Leaving the kids for a few days to be alone with my husband will be an easy thing. If I asked today, I would have six volunteers! But, I will likely ask my parents to just move in here and keep the kids at home together.
I wish all of you had the support around you that I have now. I know I am blessed in that way. I do. I'm thankful for it. It is not something we have always had. There were times that we were very alone "out there" with no other families nearby. God has us here now for reasons, and I'm thankful for that.