I wanted to share something that encouraged me this weekend. I was just reading and came across this and it stopped me in my tracks.
For several years as I began to deal with the aftermath of abuse, I had one prayer - "no scars". I wanted God to so heal me that there would be no scars left.
He is capable of it.
The difficult thing for us as His children is reconciling what God is capable of and what He choses to do. We all have our questions from times that God did not answer in a way He could have.
I had some of these questions when my daughter died before she was born...
My prayer was always, "no scars". Showing faith. I firmly believed that God could heal so I would not be a "damaged person". I still believe it. In fact, I still hold God to it. But something happened that changed my prayer.
I was away at a conference last year, doing very well, and very happy. Then one thing happened, someone gave me a book. I was happy to get the book. I had wanted it. But to see the title and know it was about abuse send me into a temporary down. I had to fight some tough feelings on my way to my room to put away the book, and on the way back, I argued with God, pleaded, begged Him to heal me to the point of no scars - so that I can be effective and that one small thing can not bring back waves of pain.
I continued on to the meeting where I heard something which stopped me in my tracks. The speaker was not even close to this subject. He was speaking about explaining Christ to one certain religious group. He had just said, "When people say to me, 'well, Jesus never died on the cross; He was switched with Judas at the last moment'.", then I can say, "Look at His scars. They are still in His hands today, and I know when I get to heaven, His hands will still bear those scars."
Screech...... life just did one of those screeching halts to a quiet pause...
Jesus bears scars. He does it as a testimony to what happened, to what He has done...
I stopped asking for "no scars" last year. I'd like to be this wonderful, whole, beautiful person with no scarring at all. But... What is the first reaction you have when you see a scar? Mine is to ask what happened. What happened?
Scars, healed scars, even healing scars, testify to the power of God to work in our lives. My new prayer has been "make my scars beautiful". Take this mess and make me beautiful. Make the scars bring questions and Your healing power be shown through me.
This weekend, I read this and stopped in my tracks again... I had been praying for our marriage and feeling useless and disqualified and sad about my mess. Since then, I've sat more quietly at God's feet. I really don't want more scars in my life, not really, not at all.... but if they come, make them beautiful.
This was from Nate Saint:
"If people come with no scars, we don’t want to listen to them. We listen to someone who’s been there. If we want to reach the world, they need to see that God meets us in our darkest hour. They need to see a God who’s worth taking a beating for, a God who sent His own personal family to be a Savior for us. When we take that kind of God into the world, we don’t show our muscle, we show our scars"
I've got a lot of wounds healing up right now, and I am still embarrassed at the scarring, but let it be. I need God. I also know that He can heal. I've seen Him do it before and I am confident in that.