Monday, March 4, 2013

Sixteen Years

Today is her birthday.  Sixteen years ago, I said goodbye to my first daughter. 

Hard to believe it is that long ago.

She would have been driving today.  A second child to sit nervously in the front seat and jerkily steer the car down the street.

Sixteen years.  It seems like yesterday.  It seems like it's been forever.  Yesterday since the pain.  Forever that I have missed her.

One day I will see her.

In the meantime, down here on earth, it is interesting to me that one of the most visited pages on my blog is the little tab labeled "her story".  The story of my daughter's short life.  And yet, people read it, but none comment.  It intrigues me.  What are they seeing when they read?  Why don't they comment?  I don't know the answer to either.

Sixteen years down this path I never wanted to walk.  I am a different person for having faced pain.  I like who I am.  I don't like what I have been through to become who I am.  But I like who I am.  Like I said, her life was a gift.  What God showed me, how He met me in that time was a gift.  A gift that I still treasure.

So today, it is a day of mixed emotions.

Sadness - for the hole in my heart that is no smaller sixteen years in.

              Joy - for the delight of having a daughter I can't wait to meet.

                    Contentment - for how God has led me and met me
                                                                    through grief.

                                          Thankfulness - for the gift of pain
                                                             He gave me.  With that gift, I
                                                             am able to comfort others better.

And if you haven't noticed, the world is full of hurting people.

They need comfort.


Anonymous said...

I think there are no comments because after we read it, we have no words. May you have comfort today.

Joyful said...

It is difficult to comment when one has gone through this kind of loss. I'm glad you see your children as gifts of God. One day you will see her again. Hugs. xx