Maybe he can't handle it
the pain of facing what he has done
the scars, the wounds
the type that cause you to open your mouth in shock
to just be amazed
at not only the damage
but the neglect
not incision lines neatly sewed up
not cuts carefully pulled together and sewed as best as possible
wound left open
that healed by neglect
drying out from the inside
they are hard to look at
perhaps even harder to know you caused.
Maybe he isn't there yet.
Unable to face that.
I can understand that
I don't like it
I think it is unfair that I have to face them
day in, day out
That my whole being, who I am, has changed from these scars.
Life is unfair.
And you go on.
Perhaps he can't face what he's done yet.
But if he will walk on a journey to where one day he will face it
That might be ok.
If he says, "That was the past, why think about the past"
There will be no going on to the future
we learn from the past to live in the present so we don't repeat in the future
this is why we study history
battles fought and won
laws and constitutions made
mistakes in peace treaties that caused other wars.
There must be a going back to the past.
There has to be.
Or there will be no going forward to the future.
It's not his personality.
He'd rather live today, happy.
But there has to be a going back
perhaps he is not ready to face that today.
Maybe I can be patient.
with these wounds.
No one is willing to look.
It is so ugly, so frightening
that no one wants to look
to admit to themselves that someone they know and like
could do that.
my wounds dry out
and begin the process of secondary healing
from the bottom up
leaving twisted scars
which will make people hide their faces
when they see me.