Tuesday, April 27, 2010

When Hope Disappears

I woke to the sound of the door and the kid's voices answering it.  Thankfully, they did not wake me and I recognized the quiet voice of my friend.  She quickly took over getting the kids dressed and fed.  The smell of frying eggs drifted up to my room.

But I slept, only conscious enough to know that they were safe and being cared for.

An hour later, I woke up again and looked at the clock.  It was morning.  It was past morning "over there".  My heart sank...

"God, I thought You said...."

I waited until I heard the door shut as the kids went out with my friend before I threw myself back down on my bed and sobbed....

I cried and cried.... sobbing from the depths of my heart....so disappointed...  "Why God?  Why?  I was so sure You said to ask for this morning!  Why did You have us ask only to mock us now?!"

And I sobbed until the tears ran out.  My heart was broken and all hope disappeared.

When my friend came back, I asked her to stay to man the phones.  I told her only three people were people to wake me up for, but for everyone else to tell them I was sleeping.  I planned to sleep the day away, and transition into long term mode...

I lay my head down on my pillow in tears.  I was so tired!  My eyes closed... then they popped open...

Wait.  Maybe I should phone this one person - he will at least know what happened today.

So I dialed his number...

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