I've wanted to tell the story, but life has been so busy and so full of conflict and stress since the event that turned my normal life into something else. I wish someone had told me that normal was ending and what was coming would likely never be the same as what was.
I would have liked the chance to say good-bye.
I've wanted to tell the story. I'd like to try, but hampered by the fact that this is anonymous. I can't tell who I am nor exactly what happened. That may be fine, though, because so far that is all I have been able to tell - what happened, what I did, what others did, what happened. Never once anything about what was going on under the surface - not about what I was thinking or feeling.
I might try to do that. You'll have to forgive me that it sounds a little confusing and leaves you wondering "What happened?!" It has to do that. But I might begin to talk.
I am still a little stunned. That is wearing off and now I am confused. Looking around at this new normal and wondering what it will mean. I think there are changes coming up, and I have lived through too many changes to be excited at any more. I've hid this week in working more at a job I usually only do four days a month - the routines of working with the dying. Other people needed time off, and I needed routines and needed to be focused on something besides ministry right now since that is in such a turmoil time.
The story is disappearing, though, among the stress and change, and I'd still like to write. I'd still like to sit with a friend and tell the story from beginning to end and let someone feel what I felt.
But perhaps, like the earthquake, some of those feelings may stay covered up right now because they were very difficult to handle.