Friday, April 16, 2010

Telling the Story

I've wanted to tell the story, but life has been so busy and so full of conflict and stress since the event that turned my normal life into something else.  I wish someone had told me that normal was ending and what was coming would likely never be the same as what was.

I would have liked the chance to say good-bye.

I've wanted to tell the story.  I'd like to try, but hampered by the fact that this is anonymous.  I can't tell who I am nor exactly what happened.  That may be fine, though, because so far that is all I have been able to tell - what happened, what I did, what others did, what happened.  Never once anything about what was going on under the surface - not about what I was thinking or feeling.

I might try to do that.  You'll have to forgive me that it sounds a little confusing and leaves you wondering "What happened?!"  It has to do that.  But I might begin to talk.

I am still a little stunned.  That is wearing off and now I am confused.  Looking around at this new normal and wondering what it will mean.  I think there are changes coming up, and I have lived through too many changes to be excited at any more.  I've hid this week in working more at a job I usually only do four days a month - the routines of working with the dying.  Other people needed time off, and I needed routines and needed to be focused on something besides ministry right now since that is in such a turmoil time.

The story is disappearing, though, among the stress and change, and I'd still like to write.  I'd still like to sit with a friend and tell the story from beginning to end and let someone feel what I felt.

But perhaps, like the earthquake, some of those feelings may stay covered up right now because they were very difficult to handle.

1 comment:

Carrie said...

I'm here. Listening with my heart.