Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Watching in the Night

Late, late into the night, I fell into a restless slumber.  I woke several times to check for messages, and dozed again.  The food I had eaten cramped my stomach and I doubled over in pain wishing I had just never eaten.

The night was long and silent.  At times a person would skype with me telling me to do this or that or think about this or that.  I found myself being asked questions that I had no idea what to do about.  Very quickly, I learned to pass decisions on to those in authority over me and work only within what they asked me to do.  A crisis demands a clear line of authority and reaction.

I contacted those praying and updated them.  I chatted with a friend who kept me sane that first day.

But mostly, I sat watching the night go by.

I finally slept only when the other wife woke up.  Passed off the duty to be awake to her, and slept for two hours waking often with stomach pain.

After this, I decided I would not eat again.  I drank anything I was given, but I knew better than to eat.

I thought about the next day, realizing that in the morning I would need to tell my kids.  That night, I prayed for them... that God would give me wisdom, that they would continue to trust God and find Him good.  And I prayed for our men... but that night not with words... with the silence of sitting in front of God with my eyes on Him watching.  He knew my heart and I opened it in front of Him.  It was a time that words could not have captured.

And in between, I dozed for brief moments.  Finally, exhaustion set in around 5am, and I slept for two hours.

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