It was my lowest point in the whole ordeal. I was so sure God had told me to ask for tomorrow morning, so sure that I had asked a lot of people to stay awake the night praying.
And morning came and went with no news.
It made me doubt my ability to hear God. It ripped all my hope away. And soon, very soon, people would be calling for news... there was none... Already one couple had stopped by to give me a hug. I appreciated their visit, and then told them that I had been up all night for several nights and was giving in this morning and going to bed. They held me and prayed with me and left with their eyes full of tears, too.
I went to bed, hopeless and unable to answer those calls... not even sure what God was doing... unable to look up at Him... why had He spoke only to disappoint?
But there was that one person I was supposed to phone. I stopped first to send off two messages to the two main groups praying and told them not to phone me for a few hours - I was going to try to rest. Then I picked up the phone... did I really want to know? What had happened that day "over there"? What would be the news when I phoned? Obviously not something good... Would it just be an eternity of "we don't know"?
Finally, I dialed the number. It was around 10:30. The man answered and immediately sounded distracted, breathless, tense... Every muscle in me tensed, too, wondering... Then he told me that he can't talk then, but not to leave the phone - he'd get back to me in about half an hour hopefully with some great news...
This is when I broke the rule about no people in my bedroom. How thankful I was later that I had called for my good friend to come that morning - I needed her. I called, and she came and sat with me. We both sat there, physically shaking, shivering, staring in turns at the phone and the clock.... wishing we had any idea of what was going on "over there".
The longest wait of the entire time. Half an hour stretched to forty-five minutes, and we waited.... My tummy heaved and my teeth chattered. My friend shook, too... this long, and what would be the news?
Then the phone rang...