Help

I wish I could write a nice post and say how wonderful my life is and how well I am doing.

I can't.

Problems again. My husband has slipped back to his previous way. He misunderstood one thing, one word, that I said today when he was rapidly explaining something. I was just repeating one word, trying to catch up with him, and he blew. He thought I was mocking him, and he blew. He wouldn't, still won't, and refuses to listen to any other possibility than what he has in his head.

So, I have faced a day of anger, name-calling, silence, anger.

I'm hurting. My heart is ripped open on freshly healing scars. I don't get it. I only repeated one word because I was a bit bewildered.

But there is no room to make a mistake, and no room to go anywhere. Facing a stone wall. And anger.

Help. I need prayer. Prayer for the situation to change, for wisdom, for comfort.

He wants me to admit that I was mocking him, and on purpose, and will promise never to do it again, but only smile and instantly be excited when he speaks. Should I admit a lie to calm him down? I don't know. I've tried that route before. So far it doesn't work, but it destroys me. I've tried, as calmly as I can, to continue to state what I was thinking, and at the same time agree that I do understand his hurt reaction - it would hurt if you thought that.

But adults deal with misunderstandings. We deal with it and go on.

Any ideas to deal with this? I feel worthless and hopeless and unloved today. He jumps to think the absolutely worst of me and clings to that stubbornly to it.

No, my life is not good, and I am not a perfect missionary. I'm failing, drowning in things I can not change. Feeling like I am not wanted, that I am only wanted to be a smiling, silent, mannequin.

Pray. Pick me up and hold me in prayer today. I'm going to need it.