Monday, March 16, 2009

Help

I wish I could write a nice post and say how wonderful my life is and how well I am doing.

I can't.

Problems again. My husband has slipped back to his previous way. He misunderstood one thing, one word, that I said today when he was rapidly explaining something. I was just repeating one word, trying to catch up with him, and he blew. He thought I was mocking him, and he blew. He wouldn't, still won't, and refuses to listen to any other possibility than what he has in his head.

So, I have faced a day of anger, name-calling, silence, anger.

I'm hurting. My heart is ripped open on freshly healing scars. I don't get it. I only repeated one word because I was a bit bewildered.

But there is no room to make a mistake, and no room to go anywhere. Facing a stone wall. And anger.

Help. I need prayer. Prayer for the situation to change, for wisdom, for comfort.

He wants me to admit that I was mocking him, and on purpose, and will promise never to do it again, but only smile and instantly be excited when he speaks. Should I admit a lie to calm him down? I don't know. I've tried that route before. So far it doesn't work, but it destroys me. I've tried, as calmly as I can, to continue to state what I was thinking, and at the same time agree that I do understand his hurt reaction - it would hurt if you thought that.

But adults deal with misunderstandings. We deal with it and go on.

Any ideas to deal with this? I feel worthless and hopeless and unloved today. He jumps to think the absolutely worst of me and clings to that stubbornly to it.

No, my life is not good, and I am not a perfect missionary. I'm failing, drowning in things I can not change. Feeling like I am not wanted, that I am only wanted to be a smiling, silent, mannequin.

Pray. Pick me up and hold me in prayer today. I'm going to need it.

4 comments:

Sharon said...

Love, Love, Love! Love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Becky Aguirre said...

I would have to agree, Sharon, love does cover a multitude of sins...

Ellie, this sounds like it's so about him, not you. I know this hurts, and yet somehow, I think you need to remove yourself enough from the situation to get you to a place where you are no longer so emotionally involved...you have it in you to choose to not be a victim, so to speak. Otherwise, your marriage is just this crazy emotional rollercoaster of devastation that will creep into every other part of your life and you don't need that right now. Your kids don't need it, either.

In no way am I saying to disrespect your husband, on the contrary, remaining calm is to show respect. Seems like he's very sensitive to perceived disrespect...and in my experience, falling apart merely seems to 'bring on' more contempt.

My advice would be to calmly state your side of the story-that you disagree, avoid debate about it, which avoids a power struggle...you will lose who you are as a person if you just go along with him to keep the peace...

Okay, sorry, didn't mean to preach...will be praying for you...Becky

Ellie said...

Becky - thanks for that advice. If I ask for opinions, you've got leave to preach, ok?

It is what I need to hear. To me, it seemed like such a simple thing, oops!I misunderstood that, let's talk it out... But when one person refuses to consider that he might of misunderstood, insists that he is right and any other thinking is lying... a simple thing becomes huge.

But thanks, I need the reminder not to get sucked in and be emotional - which of course, I am right now. So much facing anger makes me want to do anything to get it to stop...

Keep praying. Today, I'll try to stay calm, and hope he's calmed down and can think beyond his initial view.

I honestly think that he must realise by now that he misread the situation, but he is too proud and ashamed to admit he did, so he has to keep going in this, and that is what blows the anger into extremes. And I don't know how to help him get over that.

Cindy said...

Ellie,

Totally behind what Becky has said. Remember that you are a "Daughter of the King". You are loved and cherished dear one.

hugs....