We Went There

Today, I went back there.  It poured rain.  The skies opened and poured rain.  Fitting.  It was raining that day my world went from sunshine to shadows.

We went back.  We walked around.  We saw.  We went in to that place.  Everything was exactly like I remember.  The one detail that always puzzled me confirmed.  How could that be?  I've never seen a room like that before - no closet there.  But there it was.  Exactly like my memory said it was.

I wasn't sure how I would react, but it was ok.  I went in.  I walked around.  I saw.  I looked.  Yes, I was slightly trembling, but only slightly.  I'm sure I didn't look anything more than like I was a little chilled in the pouring rain.

Then I walked out again.  Shut the gate behind me.  It was a feeling of peace, a quiet conquering.  But more than that, something surprised me.... surprised me even more when my husband prayed for it, too... because I wanted to pray that also, but didn't know what he would think...

forgiveness...  we both prayed for it... forgiveness for that woman who handed me over....

We talked about it later.  But we both wanted to pray that.  Compassion on her.  Yes, it was bad.  Yes, it scarred me.  But... God walked me through it, and He bears scars, so mine do not bother Him.  But I felt compassion for her... I'm NOT a compassionate person in regards to this...not at all.  But I know God... and to not know Him... and to be in such darkness....

Then we sat together and prayed - for blessing on that place.  That the former things would be gone and that from there, blessings would be.

Ah, it is hard to explain it all right now.  I'll process it and write again when I've had time.

Thanks for all your prayers.  I actually feel stronger, more whole, less frightened by the whole events than I did before.  I've faced it and walked away whole.  Perhaps scarred, but I'm even learning to love my scars... who I am now because of them is someone I like...

I downloaded my pictures this evening, pictures of that place, too, and then looked at them on a slideshow.  Was it any coincidence that the photo that the computer circled around to when it got to the end of those photos was one of this child of our coworkers who was abused/bullied in his school?... it was a photo of him in his new school smiling in his desk... yes, I like my scars.... they make me quick to react to protect and care.  This is who I am, and I am at peace.