That is how I feel today. Partly because my house is a mess, and I don't deal well with messes. (No "I told you so" from people who might be tempted to say that! You know who you are, and no laughing here!) Messes make me feel on edge. Now, mess is normal at my house. I am not a clean freak. I enjoy clean - just wish the house would find a way to stay that way on its own!
Partly because my house has had a continuous revolving door recently. I like people. Really. But I am built so I need my down time, my alone time. When I don't have it, I get.... think of a word that starts with B, but don't say it! We don't talk like that.
Partly because life is going at such a speed, and big things are happening in my life at a high speed, and I need time to think about them. I am not getting that time. My life is filling up with people and people have problems and needs and questions. I feel like I am on constant giving right now, and I need some time to sit quietly and take again.
But I am lazy - yeah, that is why I get a messy house. I am also lazy with my time with God. Taking time to sit and listen to Him. I don't do that well when people are around. Not when I've been staying up late. Not when I'm exhausted. Then I get grouchy... like when I don't get time with my husband. I get pretty miserable then, too. I need time alone with him, too. It recharges me just to be with him - to have his attention, to be held. I can be with him all day in a group, and it is not the same. I want time alone with him.
That is how I feel with God right now. I am not far from Him. I'm with Him, been ok, but I miss that time alone. The time just to curl up and rest against Him and pour out my heart. That is what I am without right now, and I am feeling overwhelmed... no time, and that leads to me being pretty... well, we won't say that word, will we?
I'm going to bargain for some time off tomorrow. My husband has been really nice - it is not that he wouldn't give it to me. He gave me a morning to sleep in. He's been helping out. It is just that I've ben sick, and the type of sick where you are better if you just close your eyes and sleep. And I am lonely. Lonely for spending time just curled up in the mornings resting my heart against God's and listening.
I'll be happy to be back in routines again in a week. I do better with routines. In the meantime, I got call that more guests are on the way. This time a family of six. But, on the cheerful side, these people are ones who give into my life instead of taking. So it could be a blessing. I'm optomistic.
In the meantime, pray for peace. Peace may not rule in the events happening in our lives right now, but peace can rule in my heart. Let's pray for that.