Monday, June 1, 2009

Hanging In

Life gets so busy this time of year with all the last minute things at school. I have to wrap up Kayla's teaching, although I will tutor her this summer, and get a grade and comments for her report card. The kids have all their parties and field trips and stuff. Big projects are due, so we are working on those.... by the last day, we will be ready for a break! But I will miss school... my daily chance to see people and be with people where I am loved and appreciated.... my kid's chance to be out of the house and interacting with friends....

Speaking of school, I spent the day there today.... It is a small school, so no nurse. I diagnosed a case of suspected pink eye, checked out a tummy ache, and checked 36 heads of hair for lice. Sent four kids home with nits and, since they were boys, the free advice that the easiest thing to do is shave them and let them enjoy a short cut for summer. A few other families were going to go short crew cut even at the mention of lice, so it will be an in-style look for the little kids. Hey, I'm buzzing mine tonight! My daughter, who has waist length beautiful hair.... I'm praying.... no, please no...

Pray. Our team leader is coming to town, and I have to talk with him and our pastor again. Any hope he will see it as a problem? I doubt it, but we keep hoping. At least I have some guidance now as to what to do and feel a bit more on solid ground. Well, perhaps as solid as my garden I dug yesterday - spongy mud, but if you stand real still you can balance on it.

Things at home are at the standstill stage. The silence is wearing off into small talk. Usually what happens next is he waits and eventually I talk to him and after begging and begging for forgiveness for "making him mad", he will slowly relent and forgive me and things are good again. I'm not going to to that. If we want to have an adult conversation about the day he got mad, I could ask forgiveness for what I did wrong, but it was a small thing, and I did not "make him mad". He chose that, and he will have to deal with it. I'm not turning the wheel again back to "start" to go 'round the circle again.

My daughter has a tape player which I dislike. When it gets to the end of the tape, it does not turn off. It sits there making a faint hum and clicking noise. If she is asleep, it will do it all night. You have to go in and push the off button or turn it over. I feel like that now - our relationship is making a humming, clicking noise, but I am not going to turn the tape over. He's going to have to push the "stop" button. Stop the anger. I'm tired of rollercoasters and merry-go-rounds.

Anyway, off to teach... we're on to fractions now; which, after starting off the year with adding, is pretty good!

1 comment:

Becky Aguirre said...

Summer vacation is a good time...and yet I do find that I miss the interaction with other parents...know you will, too.

I find it encouraging to hear you say that you do not plan on 'begging for forgiveness' for making him mad. I believe that is a healthy step for you to take and I pray that you will hold strong in that decision. You do not need to take too much responsibility for someone else's reactions when those reactions were theirs alone. That only puts you back in the victim role, which allows for power plays...praying for you!