Friday, October 1, 2010

Like a Warm Cup of Coffee

We've had some rough days here. Not only are we exhausted from three weeks of guests and meetings, school started and my oldest is in a new school requiring a whole new set of rules and requirements and relationships. In the little school that the other three are in, we have new staff which means a little more work in orienting them and helping them settle in.

The meetings this year were different. There are changes on the horizon - good changes, but definite changes. We are going to expand our focus which will also mean expanding our numbers. In the end, it will mean less work - or perhaps more focused work - for my husband, but until then, it will mean more work. I am thrilled about the changes, but change... it brings stress. Good stress even, but stress.

Then on top of all that, we have a member of our church who overheard something we said and blew it way out of proportion and came to a ridiculous conclusion and followed that with an outlandish accusation. It is all stupid, and it would be hilarious if it wasn't such a serious accusation, but it brings more stress.

Part of me wants to go knock their head in. Part of me wants to rant and rage at them. Part of me wants to sit down and give in to a fit of giggles. Part of me wants to sit down and cry. I'm so tired that I can cycle through all of those feelings in under three minutes.

But I wrote one of my friends with the situation we are in now, just needing to blow off some steam and also to explain an action we had to take. She wrote back with a quick letter saying that some people are stupid and she is sorry we are going through this. I sat there after reading her letter, slowly calming down to quieter tears. Just sad.

And then my e-mail buzzed again, another letter from her, "I miss you terribly, love you a ton."

Then I finally dissolved into tears. It's been a rough time, and everyone is blaming me for the mistake and the false accusations. I could be blamed for what I did say, but no one can blame me for the conclusion someone jumped to - that was their own idiocy, and not mine to take responsibility for.

But people pin that blame on me, too, and now we live in a fishbowl of stress with more added in.

Then came my friend's words. "I miss you terribly, love you a ton!"

Ah... like a warm cup of coffee on a cold day. Like a hug in the middle of pain...

This is one who has known me since my second child was born, and we are friends. They are not perfect, and they have been through accusations both true and false, but we have remained friends through it. And her love was just the comfort I needed to stop feeling like no one cared and everyone was out to get us.

I am loved. I am missed.

I needed that, especially after a few months of changing and rearranging friendships and relationships, after a time where I have wondered if I am really wanted at all. If I really do have any friends. They move, they change, their lives go on... But I am loved and I am missed. There is a place for me that has not been filled in with another.

That was a blessing.

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