My day was going fine today until I checked my messages. A friend wrote that she wants me to speak in November to a group of women from different churches...
I've got that deer in the headlights look right now.
You see, I've gotten decent enough at sharing what I think in writing, but I usually hide behind my very outgoing husband in groups. I've spoken before, yes, for a few minutes at the end or middle of his talks, but NEVER done an event by myself. I'm sort of freaking out here.
It's not that I think I can't do it... I should be able to... It is just that the thought terrifies me! Totally out of my comfort zone. I see myself so much more as a background person. Let me handle logistics for thirty people arriving. Let me rock babies to sleep while supervising a group of kids to prepare a simple meal. Let me write stuff. Let me map out a strategy or evaluate something. Let me do anything besides stand up and speak!
And my heart is tender right now, sore. This last month and a half has changed so much of my ordered world and I feel bewildered. Missing the security and familiarity I was so used to.
I still don't think I am ready for this.