Friday, August 27, 2010

I Still Don't Think I Am Ready For This...

My day was going fine today until I checked my messages.  A friend wrote that she wants me to speak in November to a group of women from different churches...

I've got that deer in the headlights look right now.

You see, I've gotten decent enough at sharing what I think in writing, but I usually hide behind my very outgoing husband in groups.  I've spoken before, yes, for a few minutes at the end or middle of his talks, but NEVER done an event by myself.  I'm sort of freaking out here.

It's not that I think I can't do it... I should be able to...  It is just that the thought terrifies me!  Totally out of my comfort zone.  I see myself so much more as a background person.  Let me handle logistics for thirty people arriving.  Let me rock babies to sleep while supervising a group of kids to prepare a simple meal.  Let me write stuff.  Let me map out a strategy or evaluate something.  Let me do anything besides stand up and speak!

And my heart is tender right now, sore.  This last month and a half has changed so much of my ordered world and I feel bewildered.  Missing the security and familiarity I was so used to.

I still don't think I am ready for this.

1 comment:

Walking to China said...

I think you have a story to share that women need to hear!