Friday, December 5, 2008

New News

It is hard for me to write what is going on right now. It isn't that I don't know, I just don't know how to explain it well.

My husband is doing well. He is over often, and is helping out around the house finishing up projects and doing housework. So far things are ok with us, and I am thankful.

My father is causing tension. Let's just say this: He used to have the job that my husband currently has. My husband is on sabbatical. My dad just moved here and is trying to "fix" everything in the office.... need I say more? This is really a matter for serious prayer. If he continues to step outside his responsibilities, he makes a mess of things that were not his to mess with, and it is very hard to tell him no politely.

I really like our pastor. Really. I like him as a pastor. Nice guy. He preaches well. He keeps the kids attention as well as any pastor can. He is friendly, helpful, concerned. But I don't think he is good at counseling. So far, he has given us homework.... two lists of over one hundred verses to look up and categorize and about twenty different lists we are to make of our sins and failures.... I'm actually a fairly studious person. I was that kid in school who liked to research and who loved tests... ok, used to be a nerd..... But this is even daunting for me! When I told him as gently as I could that perhaps if he gives this homework to people, it might be a bit overwhelming.... he said, "well, there are also people who might look at this and say, 'this isn't enough'"! Perhaps. Maybe. I would be concerned if they said that.... So we are slogging through it, but there is nothing in it worth talking about.

Besides the lists of verses, he is going through Ephesians with us. Slowly. Verse by verse. Did I mention that he just preached on Ephesians for two years? Verse by verse. Good preaching. But I heard it the first time... I find myself sitting in sessions with him remembering what was going on that Sunday when he preached that....

Nothing more than that....

Difficult to know how we are doing. We talk when we are alone, and I think we are doing well, but it is basically a "do-it-yourself" approach to counseling. The weeks away in this course were very good for him. It laid a groundwork that we can build on. But there is no building on that foundation. Even the couple who have been working with me for four years have gone away for a few weeks, so no communication there. I feel a little lost. Things are going well, but still lost.

I see changes in him though. I hope and pray they last. I hope they are not just to get back in the home, to get what he wants again. I don't think they are, but the thought still exists. I think they are real changes. I just would be happier with seeing someone spreading cement on the carefully built changes so they stick to each other and begin to build a new normal.

Yet, we've decided to go away for a few days. We were supposed to wait until the weekend, but the week works out better with the kids in school. So Monday, we go for three days just the two of us. After that, he will come home. I see no point in him being out of the house now. He is controlling his anger and has seen that it is wrong and not my fault, but an issue that needs to be dealt with in front of God. He is willing to work on issues in the marriage and on getting help and being transparent. So he will come home. We will continue to work, and possibly look for a counselor.... this will be a touchy thing to be able to do without offending our pastor.

Pray especially for this next week as we will be transitioning to home again. Pray that our mini- holiday goes well. Pray for time to heal and work on issues in the middle of the Christmas busyness.

Thank-you. It has meant quite a lot to me to be prayed for so much. I mean that, too!


Super B's Mom said...

I just wanted to let you know that I read your comment on the JungleWife blog (Sarah) about "seasons" of life and I was so incredibly blessed and encouraged by what you wrote. I share many of her same feelings in struggling to be a "good Mom" and it was so refreshing to read your prospective.

May God bless you in all that you do!

Shan in Japan said...

I'll be praying for you and your husband, and your whole family. May God make His face shine upon you and give you peace.

Becky Aguirre said...

So glad to hear you will have a chance to get away and hopefully God will lead in talking through some things...I will continue to pray for heart change and for your family's transition to togetherness again.

The situation with your dad sounds a bit sticky! I will be remembering that as well!