I lost my journal that I started during our crisis this spring. I didn't find it until today. As I thumbed through it, I thought I will post this one last thing before I move on to the Epilogue, and then close the chapter on this time and move on to my not half so exciting daily life.
I think because it is from so long ago, I will just copy what I wrote in my journal that day:
God is talking to me about tempered steel - not exactly sure what it is about tempered steel. Perhaps I need to look it up and study what goes into tempering steel. So far, I have learned that steel is tempered by reheating it over and over until it changes its very form, making it stronger and able to withstand changes and loads.
I feel like that is what Gos is doing with me - over and over again putting me through the fire. I don't really like it. But then I see myself respond in ways that are not best showing who God is and I am disappointed in myself. Slowly, slowly, God is working on me through these times, slowly changing me.
Like tempered steel becoming stronger.
Only I am afraid of fire and greatly dislike pain. When I think about me, I don't like the tempering process, but when I think about God and His purposes - so greater than mine - I realize that in order for Him to use me, I need to be strengthened and changed.