Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Journey Without A Map

I didn't think about it at the time, but that was exactly what it was.  I knew that all of us were worn out.  We'd been through a lot.  We needed time to process it.  We needed time to physically recover.  We needed time to emotionally recover.  We needed time to just be together.

But time does not heal all wounds.  Healing is a journey.  And no one gave us the map.

I thought someone would.  I had left that job - writing the map - in someone else's hands thinking they knew how to do it.  That, I discovered later, was my first mistake.  Maybe this person would have been capable... maybe, I don't know.... but they were one of those involved in the situation.  And there were complications we didn't know about.  Lesson one - never leave drawing maps to those lost in the maze.

So things didn't go well.  My reaction to that was to sit back and watch - how will they do it?  Obviously they know more than me, so I watched.  That wasn't likely the best decision.  But, I was tired of pushing and fighting... ready to let someone else know what to do.

Only, they didn't.

I am a map person.  Even when we are traveling where I know, I still love the map.  I follow it, study it, and count off landmarks with it.  I like to know where I am and where I am going.  I have a strong built in sense of direction, but I still love maps!  I had a sense that things were not going well - at least not what I needed.  Not what my husband needed either, but I stayed silent.  Lesson two - speak up.  At least say, "Hey, I can't see where this map is headed.  Doesn't make sense to me."

But I was tired.  Very tired.

And then there were other factors - potholes in the road, damage so bad that a detour needed to be made.  Who knows?  Maybe the map would have worked if we didn't have the detour.  We'll never know.  But it came - unwanted trouble - and we needed to work around it.

But this whole next phase involved different groups of people in different places with different ideas.  All with poor communication of all that.  It became like a group of blindfolded people trying to work through a maze without talking to each other.  And, inevitably, there were some bumps and bruises along the way.

I just didn't know to expect that.  I was starting on this journey without a map.


Cindy said...

Ellie, most times the best maps are made by those who have already made the journey...
you may have to make a map now after you know which way to go...

Ellie said...

You are probably right, Cindy. I think I am still struggling to figure out what that map should have looked like.

But I am thinking about it. Writing the path my help someone figure out map.