We are taking a long weekend to go on a break with the kids, so we drove across the border to visit my cousins.
My third son, yup, the one who would rather live in heaven than obey. Yes, the one who bit his brother and pulled his tooth into an interesting diagonal position. (It never fell completely out like we expected, but sort of solidified into a diagonal.)...
Well, that son...
He has a history at border crossings. So much of one that we drill him for the half hour as we approach the border. "Remember now, no talking! Just yes or no answers, nothing more. You may say your name if asked, nothing more. Do NOT volunteer information! Just be quiet for five minutes, ok?"
This is the son, who when we were asked the obligatory, "Do you have any weapons?" question and we had replied negatively, piped up from the back seat, "Oh yes, we do!"
The border guard's eyes widened, and he continued, "Remember, we have the arrows! Remember, the one I put through my lip!" (Yes, he did. Nice hole - right through... hours from medical care.) Thankfully, he had the scar to prove it, and happily showed this to the border guard who either assumed we were too stupid to be harmless or criminally insane for carrying arrows with this child!
This is the son, who when his daddy got pulled over for a check on a holiday night after almost running a red light, cheerfully informed the police officer, "My daddy always runs red lights!"
Short of duct taping his mouth shut when dealing with authorities, I don't know what to do with him..... just wondering how to cross a border with a duct taped child... might attract some attention...
So today, we ran through the whole routine. "Remember, no talking. No talking at all. Just yes or no if they ask if we are your parents. Nothing more."
"Did you hear me? Do you understand?"
I'm sure he did, for thirty seconds.
A guard came over and was inspecting cars before we got to the booth. He opened the side door of the van. Hardly before it was opened, Number Three reached down, opened his lunch box by his feet, showed the guard, and said, "I had to hurry before you got here, but I did it!"
The guard looked slightly bewildered and stunned by the sudden barrage of information coming from this eight-year-old before he even asked a question. "You did what?"
"I finished it, because I know I can't bring it across the border, so I had to hurry, but I ate it all."
At this the guard began to smile.
"Because I had my apple still in my lunch cut up in pieces because of my tooth, and I forgot to eat it, but I remembered, so I ate it really fast before you got here!"
Thankfully, this guard had a sense of humor and began to really smile. He said he likes this kid - he confesses even before he could ask! So he asked the only thing that came to his mind. "What happened to your tooth?"
Now, that brought dead silence from Number Three. But my daughter filled in the gap. "He tried to bite his brother!"
And Number Two added, "So I pulled my arm away fast. And his tooth went that way."
"And it bleeded!"
At that, the guard gave us one last pitying look, and closed the door. Whatever we had in that van, he wasn't going to investigate any farther!