Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Losing Friends... and finding them again.

Some friends you should just never lose.  I had tried to contact this friend again after a crisis, but no response.  I thought she moved on to a new location.  I gave up.  I should have just hit the road and went there.

Just her very existence yesterday lightened my heart.  She is like that.  I used to work with her, and all the workers at the home said so.  "I wish she was here - things were smooth when she way here."  "She just was special."  I slept better last night for the first time since our trip to the counselor.  A deep sleep with dreams of being cared for.

She was so happy to see me.  She had looked for me, too, but wasn't able to connect.  She missed me.  We used to talk.  We are two Americans here, and from the same area, same culture within America.  Our culture is the more warm, relaxed, drop in anytime type of culture.

So I knew she wouldn't mind the surprise visit late at night.

Even my husband said so when we left.  "We should have more friends like that - where it is ok to just hang out without notice."  Even if they are in their pjs and the house was messy and two cats were chasing tinfoil balls across the floor.

She asked about my daughter, who she loves, and was concerned about her struggling after a crisis.  She said to bring her when I come next week.  I told my daughter, and she glowed.  This friend of mine was  special to my daughter and would care for her often while I worked.  Sometimes, I'd bring my daughter to work as our shifts overlapped an hour, and then she would take her home.

A friend is a good thing to hang on to.  Losing friends hurts.  I didn't need to lose this friend for four years and I wish I hadn't.  Now I get to see her for sure at least once a month since I will go to her for some of my medical treatment.  And my daughter can reconnect with her.

She has a peace about her.  And a crazy sense of humor.  I still remember the night she told us about something crazy she and her husband had done on their honeymoon - nurses late at night... we talk....  And the next morning, he husband, unbeknownst to her, was preaching about sex.  We tried very, very hard NOT to look at each other all service because we would shake from holding in the giggles, but we weren't entirely successful.

I like pastor's wives.  With one, I giggled through a sermon about sex.  With another, we went out to a late, late night drink - the only place open was the hotel bar, so we had a coke there and talked animatedly, and some guy paid for our drinks and winked at us.  We howled in laughter out of sight because we thought he'd never believe it that he just paid for a missionary's wife and a pastor's wife!!

And humor is good medicine.  Because when you can laugh, you can cry.  And when you can cry, you can laugh again.  And she's been in my life long enough to know what what I am facing right now means to me and what it feels like.  She believes me enough for me to trust her.

No, she's not the answer to all life's problems, but she's a good friend, and good friends are worth hanging on to.

And good friends are there even if you don't speak to them in four years - still there, still caring about you as much as the day you last talked.  Good friends love your husband as much as they do you.  Even when they know he's not perfect, just like neither you or they are perfect.

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