We talked last night. First we played a game with our kids and a guest.
Oh, first, our kids came home. Our oldest won third in a badminton with his doubles partner. That kid is incredible. (I'm biased... but others think so, too.) His sister had played goalie in another sport, and had missed a goal, and had lost the game. She was sad. She said she played badly. I told her she had played well, but missed the last goal, and lost the game, and she was feeling disappointed. And that is valid. It was disappointing. Tears formed in her eyes, so I held her and she cried. Her ever-exuberant brother behind her tried to comfort her in a typical male way. "But you did well." "But one, goal.. let me..." I kept telling him to shush. He kept trying, "but if I can just tell her this, I can fix how she feels!" No. You can't. Finally, after I released my slightly comforted daughter from my hug, I turned to my half-man son and told him, "No. I know what she needs. She is a girl. She doesn't need to be fixed or explained to that she wasn't bad. She is feeling disappointed, and she needs a hug."
My poor son. He doesn't quite get it. But he will learn, and his wife will sympathize with my efforts to teach him, and I will sympathize with her when he tries to fix her feelings.
My husband laughed watching him, and agreed and told him, "I know, son, it doesn't make sense, but you can't fix them. She really just needed a hug. Mommy is right."
We played games that night with the kids after watching a show we like.