Ever have to deal with that person who appears nice.... but leaves a bad taste in your mouth? It is just the little comments, the sarcasm, the rudeness, the little digs. As time goes on, it wears on you. Yet if you respond, they would say, "what is the big deal?"
We have one. It is constant. Almost daily. Little things. Never (well, seldom), an outright meanness... just constant little things. E-mails to us, to others but cc'd to us... little jabs. If we don't do things just as this person likes when this person likes, there are those little comments.
How do you deal with that? I've thought of a few tactics, but not sure the value of them.
One is blunt honesty - "I do not appreciate this type of behavior. Please quit it."
Another is more passive - ignore all messages that contain rude and sarcastically rude comments. When questioned on why something wasn't done, state that you deleted the request because it was rude and are waiting for it to be stated politely and respectfully.
Keep enduring - until we get really irritated with it, and then end up snapping at each other because we are fed up trying to endure.
I am not sure what is the wise way to deal with it. I just know that I have almost had enough. It seems like it is this person's way of "encouraging" or "degrading" you into doing things when and how this person wants. It actually has the opposite effect - we want to do less and less for this person the way they want it done. Actually, we want nothing to do with this person and strive to be away from them as much as possible. You know - the type when you see their number show up, you let it go to voice mail.
sigh... wishing Christians were more perfect.... One day, heaven. In heaven, we will be. In little day to day things of working with difficult people, this also encourages me. One day, heaven.
Until then, any ideas?
2 comments:
Write up a completely nonsensical email and reply with that for your own amusement.
After a few times of this, they will either stop cc'ing you or will ask you what on earth you're talking about---which will open a door for conversation.
That's the passive aggressive approach. Not really saying I recommend it, but it's kind of fun to think about, no?
:)
Perhaps you could tell them directly. Something along the lines of what you wrote in the post. "You know, the way you snipe at us when you think you are encouraging/goading us really makes us not want to do what you ask. It is not only annoying but extremely rude. I would very much appreciate it if you would ask directly for things and not include the nastiness. It makes me not want to read your emails at all or answer the phone when you call." But don't bring up anything else they've possibly done. Only work on the one thing.
Then, the next time you get a call or email like that, you can write back saying, "The better way to word this would have been . . . ."
Then, when/if it doesn't change, you can resort to blowing up. =)
Another thought is that they may not even realize that they do this. They may think they are explaining things. I tend to ask in a bossy/directive way that often offends people, "Do that, will you? Hand me that, will you? You need to do this." To me, it's a request but to them, I'm taking over. I'm working on my approach to others, but still slip up sometimes. The only thing is that if someone is over sensitive about it and constantly harps about it without noticing the effort I'm putting in, I will write them off and not even try.
Beth
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