Ok, I need to be packing up the van and driving out, but...
I read something in a book just now. Something about that the root of lack of trust is a fear of vulnerability, and that they cure for it strangely enough is vulnerability. That you learn that you can survive being hurt.
Which I thought was interesting. We always think we have to wait until someone proves they are trustworthy. Actually, we an choose trust, and risk being vulnerable because we can discover that hurt is survivable. Then our trust is based in what we are, not in what someone else is. We are able to be vulnerable, risk, and deal with some hurt.
Of course I am NOT talking about being vulnerable to people who have proven they are a danger. But there is a vast difference between being a danger and just being people who can accidentally or clumsily hurt me often.
I was thinking just now that you don't learn running by watching running. You don't learn trust by watching trust. You learn running by running, and yes, it hurts at times.
Anyway, back to packing... going home after a home leave where we were vulnerable and really enjoyed the connections and bonds that built with friends.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Validating Listening
Blogging and home leave just don't mix well. After a day talking to people, the last thing I want is to talk to people... not even to blog. I run out of energy. I am a person who recharges by time alone, and home leave has little of that.
Today has a few minutes of silence. Two kids in the tub, two out at a job site with my husband. One of the benefits f having rebuilt our house around us the last several years is that we have developed skills. A few times, we are able to use those skills and our free time to help friends do projects around the house. This weekend, we've been pounding up tile, scraping cement, and laying laminate flooring in good friend's house.
But this evening, we also had a meeting. A supper meeting with people from our church. Time to again sit and tell the story of last year's adventures with friends from our church. We've told it three times this week. Once to a very good friend and a couple who are part of our mission. That went late into the night - talking as only missionaries can about the details, people we all know, and the real status of life over there. Then we had two dinner meetings with small groups.
Telling our story... I'm finding it helpful, even if it is emotional at times. To have someone listen. It validates the time, the feelings, the fears, the struggles. We didn't get that validation in the aftermath of the "adventure", but these chances to slowly tell again and again our story is healing. Each time we are able to hold more of the feelings and express them. We are able to come to grips with them.
We are here to thank those who prayed our way through that time, but something interesting is happening. In their very compassion and concern to know what was going on, they are also helping us through the healing.
To be listened to... it is a gift.
Today has a few minutes of silence. Two kids in the tub, two out at a job site with my husband. One of the benefits f having rebuilt our house around us the last several years is that we have developed skills. A few times, we are able to use those skills and our free time to help friends do projects around the house. This weekend, we've been pounding up tile, scraping cement, and laying laminate flooring in good friend's house.
But this evening, we also had a meeting. A supper meeting with people from our church. Time to again sit and tell the story of last year's adventures with friends from our church. We've told it three times this week. Once to a very good friend and a couple who are part of our mission. That went late into the night - talking as only missionaries can about the details, people we all know, and the real status of life over there. Then we had two dinner meetings with small groups.
Telling our story... I'm finding it helpful, even if it is emotional at times. To have someone listen. It validates the time, the feelings, the fears, the struggles. We didn't get that validation in the aftermath of the "adventure", but these chances to slowly tell again and again our story is healing. Each time we are able to hold more of the feelings and express them. We are able to come to grips with them.
We are here to thank those who prayed our way through that time, but something interesting is happening. In their very compassion and concern to know what was going on, they are also helping us through the healing.
To be listened to... it is a gift.
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